This year is a year of change. I got divorced, got engaged with someone right away, and got pregnant! This process may take years for other people to go through, and in my case it all happened in months. Although I am a decisive person and never regret the decisions I’ve made, I do feel I’m in a fast speed mode with everything happening in my life. If I have to describe how I am in one word, I’d say I’m happier. I don’t say I’m happy because everything is relative. I am in a better place than I was last year, but I know I could be in an even better place next year if I set my mind and effort to achieve that. What do I mean by that? I mean I know I need to change some parts of me. Although who I am now allowed me to get where I am now, I know I could be a better. I could make people who loves and cares about me happier if I make some changes.
I started going to a therapist early this year to help me go through the divorce process. Although I have close friends who I could discuss all that, it was still really helpful to have a professional who was there to listen to my deepest struggles, and enlighten me to see things in a different perspective. Every session helped me in a certain way, it opened my mind and it assured me that whatever I was experiencing was normal, and that I had to experience it to go through this process.
Now that the divorce is almost over. I decided to see her again to help go through this transition process, and to learn how to love someone. It seems ironic that I need to learn how to love, but in certain ways I do. The years I spent with Star I felt very loved but it also made me forget how to give because I was mainly a receiver. It was comfortable that way but definitely not a healthy place for a relationship, and definitely didn’t satisfy me. Now that I am in deep love with Tony, I want to make things right, I want to give the best I can to make our relationship work. I know I have flaws that I’ve neglected to work on because I didn’t need it, but I know I have them and I really want to make changes so I could feel better of myself, be a better mother and a better wife.
Seeing a therapist is normal in Argentina, but very unusual for the chinese people. I still have doubts but I can already see results in a couple of sessions. Every time I go, I wonder what I am going to talk about, specially when everything seems fine, but then during the session, I can’t stop talking and wondering. After the session, I keep thinking what the therapist said, the things that I haven’t considered before. I learn more things about myself and others in a fast speed and it’s wonderful.
I don’t know what’s my point of this post, I guess it’s just to say that although it’s hard, I’m trying… trying to be better.