Thoughts: parenting, marriage and friendship

The last time I wrote a thought post was over 5 months ago. What happened all this time? Well… for the most part, it was because I was busy, busy soaking the joy of being the mom of Sofia. But I enjoy writing these because it allows me to pause, to rewind and reflect so life doesn’t slip between my hands. So today I am taking a break from work and want to reflect a bit on a variety of issues that have been in my mind lately:

1. Being someone’s mom, being the most needed person for someone else, being the safe heaven, being the one who can instantanously bring a genuine smile of someone is WONDERFUL. I never imagined it being a mom would be like this, not even just few months ago. What have changed? Sofia became more interactive, expressive and sweet. People would say being a parent is a lot of work and we love unconditionally to our child. But what is also true is that our kids love us back, genuinly, unconditionally and always. However, I know this phase is short, maybe just couple years more and she will focus on something els. I won’t be her focus anymore, she’ll demand more to be content. It is inevitable, we can do nothing about it. All I can do is to enjoy every smile every calling as the last one and print them in my mind to savour it for the rest of my life.

2. The easiest parenting strategy is to give in and satisfy every desire of the child. It seems to be a win-win strategy because at that moment, everyone is happy. But this is not responsible parenting. Parenting is not to become our child’s best friend (although that wouldn’t hurt), but to give them life skills that they can benefit from for the rest of their lives such as the importance of hard working, pursuing passion, being respectful of others, discipline, responsible and be nice. This notion was wide opening to me when I first read it because how many times we got mad at our parents for not allowing us to do certain things? too many! And now I understand that they didn’t do it for them or to show their authority over me (something that I thought about too many times), but to teach me something, it was for my own good. Although they didn’t make a lot of decisions consciously, more likely they just made the best they could at that moment, it turned out that they did just what I needed to be who I am today.

3. Marriage after child brings the couple to another level. There’s nothing more sweet and precious when one parent is looking at the other parent with the child. We met each other as a young adult, not as parent. Therefore the role of the other person is new and it feels like we re-meet with each other in that new role. It also brings another new topic (probably the main topic) for discussion. Fortunately Star and I have most of life values in common, so our discussion centers in minor details in the execution. I simply can’t imagine if this is not the case, then the fight would be bloody. As the mom, the person who loves the most to the child, I won’t cede anything to anyone what I want for my child. What do you think about marriage after child?

4. Something that I have doubt about. Both Star and I grew up in a very modest family. Both our parents have little to give us. I don’t remember having any toy nor went on any trip abroad. Often times when I want something (a new toy), my mom would say to me: “we can’t afford it. When Dad makes more money we can get it.” Not only toys were out of question, even candies and fruits were a luxury to have. I remember being excited the night before I go on a school field trip because my mom would buy me snacks that I love for the trip. However, I never complained and was a happy child growing up. In addition, our friends and classmates were all in similar situation, no one had more than we had, which made us not having much normal. Fortunately our financial situation is better nowadays, thanks to our own effort. By no means we are rich, but we could give Sofia whatever she wants and will take her on trips few times a year. It is great to be able to give the best to your child, but I wonder what we’d teach Sofia? will she appreciate them? what if she takes them for granted? what can I make to avoid it? how can we let her know that what she has is a privilege, not only in term of material goods, but also people around her, who live similar life as ours. Will she think that this is the normal life? I hope not. How do I achieve this? The only thing I could think of is to take her out of her comfort zone, where she’s used to, to the world to show her how other people lives, for real. Any other idea?

5. One of my best friends is coming to visit me. I met her when we were 18 months old, the age of Sofia. +30 years later, we are still friends and maybe the closest we’ve ever been. I am amazed. I feel super lucky to have the few good friends that I have in life. They might not live close to me physically but I know they are when I need them. True friendship is so rare these days. We rush in and out of too many people’s life without leaving imprints and viceversa. I wonder what connects us to the other person. Is it common interest/hobbie? Is it because we live close by? Is it because we share an unique experience? Is it because we’ve known each for long? The answer is all of them and none of them. What really makes us true friends is a higher level connection, a soul connection that goes beyond distance and judgement. Toa true friend you feel comfortable confesing the ugliest side of you and feel no shame, this is because you know the other person won’t judge. What is true friend to you?



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4 responses to “Thoughts: parenting, marriage and friendship

  1. Megan

    I agree with your thought on taking Sofia out of her comfort zone. For me, when I travel, and see how the rest of the world lives it helps put things for me into perspective. It’s very easy to become jaded in a big city, especially when your normal is having all your needs and wants met, however when you travel and see peoples living conditions in other parts of the world it’s very eye opening and I think that would be the best way Sofia could learn she is a privileged person.

  2. lika

    Hi Coco, I have a question regarding daycare that Sofia goes to. Does she get bitten by other kids? Is biting or getting scratched common?

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