Journal: time for solitude


I lived by myself for 5 years, only 1 of them I had a roommate. I enjoyed a lot those years of living alone.
Once I got married, I still enjoy alone time everyday, especially in the morning after I wake up. I don’t do anything special, just read or play with iPad, but I need that time everyday to start the day. Oh I need complete silence too. Sometime if Star gets up early, I don’t even talk to him if I haven’t had my solitude time. it’s my ritual and he respects it.
Now, Sofia enters the scene. Obviously she doesn’t understand mama needs alone time in the morning. She decides to claim for the pacifier any moment of the morning. For the last two days, while I was having my morning decaf capuchino, she made her presence interrupting my quiet solitude time. Not surprisingly, i was cranky the rest of the day.
It made me wonder? Am I being selfish wanting to keep this? Should I sacrifice everything for Sofia? Some people might say yes, I say no. The reason being I need to feel good and happy in order to take care of Sofia well. I am a person before I am a mom and wife. I can sacrifice a lot of things for her and not even thinking I’m sacrificing because I want to do it for her. But not everything! Something I need to keep to feel good about myself. People often say they give up xyz because of their children. I wonder do they really need xyz? if they really think xyz is important, then they should find a way to keep it. To me, going back to work, exercise, meeting friends, me time are things that are important to keep my identify, so finding the way to fit them into my life with Sofia is the way to go, not giving them up.
Q: what are your thoughts? are you willing to give up everything for your child? what things are important to you that you would keep?

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Yesterday started with S fighting to keep asleep from 6 onward (aka, no alone time for mama) and she was up for real at 6:40. I wonder if she’s pushing her wake up time earlier, I hope not.
She started taking her first nap at 7:40 so mom and I had breakfast

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decaf earl gray + gluten free pancake with almond butter sauce

the rain finally stopped so we could step outside for the morning walk after S woke up. It felt really good despite the windy and cold weather. We got a new carseat cover to keep Sofia warm.

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S slept most of the time.

Lunch

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poached salmon, bok choy and corn

I took a 30 min nap and spent the rest of S’s nap reading. Then got two packages

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clothes for me

and a mini freezer to freeze pumped milk!

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yes… I got a freezer just to store milk. Call me crazy women. I never thought I’d be soooo into breastfeeding. My original plan was to feed S for 6 months, now I want a year if it’s possible. So I’m pumping 4-5 times a day and freeze around 12 oz. everyday. Our freezer is already too packed up, so getting a new freezer is a must at this stage!

I workout out while S took her last nap of the day. Dinner

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sauteed broccoli, lotus root, tofu with olive preserve

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YUM YUM~

S went to bed at 7:20 and slept 7.5 + 3.5 hrs!!! šŸ˜Æ Second time into 7+ hrs! YEY~~~ šŸ˜†

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1 Comment

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One response to “Journal: time for solitude

  1. Megan

    No, I don’t believe it’s selfish to have your alone time. If you aren’t feeling good about your self how can you provide for anyone else? Taking care of your needs will ensure that you will be able to be there for the people you love. =)

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