Journal: biggest love

What’s the biggest love in the world? I would say it’s when someone would sacrifice their own comfort and interest for you. I wouldn’t say they sacrifice their happiness you because when they see you happy they are happy, your happiness is more important to them than their own. Furthermore, they probably do not except you to love them in the same way, they love you who you are unconditionally.

How many people love you that way? I would say very few. In my life i am super lucky to have three: my parents and Star.

What made me realize that? becoming a mom recently, I realized that for the first time in my life I’m not selfish. I’m willing to do whatever for someone. My own priorities are after the happiness and safety of this little person who provably doesn’t even know me, much less expect her to love me back the same way. This realization made appreciate more my parents love to me for almost 32 years and Star’s for 11. How many times did they scare to death when I was sick or in danger? How many times they had to think through how to parent me? How many times did I frustrate them when I rebel against them? I’m sure they all happen countless times. It must have been really hard. But they never complain, as I wouldn’t, because I am as Sofia is the biggest source of their/my happiness.

okay. back to yesterday and at the end of this post you will see what made me talk about this today.

Sofia slept again 4 hrs the previous night. Although she finally fell sleep passed 11 instead of 8, she slept until 3! Good progress! 🙂 she woke again at 5:30, nursed for 6 min, slept another hour and woke up again at 7. Again, the 5:30 feed might be a comfort feeding. And then had a morning nap while I had breakfast, the usual suspect protein cake


the highlight of this is the dandy blend that tastes like coffee, made with herbs so caffeine free. It tastes like coffee, better than decaf coffee. but I don’t think it worth $15.

after the breakfast we prepared to go to the LLL meeting. Both mama and baby got dressed for the occasion.


There were other four moms with their babies and a 39 weeks pregnant lady at meeting. The meeting was very relaxed. They mainly answered mine and the pregnant lady questions. I got to know the reason of S’s gas and green poop problem! it might have been caused by milk forceful let down, and fore milk and hind milk imbalance. The symptoms they described to me match well to mine (baby would gag choke, strangle, gulp, gasp, cough while nursing as though the milk is coming too fast,cPull off the breast often while nursing, Clamp down on the nipple at let-down to slow the flow of milk, Make a clicking sound when nursing, Spit up very often and/or tend to be very gassy). it doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens. This combined with switching breast in one feeding causes the fore milk and hind milk imbalance because the over milk supply initially release fore milk and by the time hind milk is out, you already switched to another or the baby got full. The imbalance causes extra gas and green poop. When they told me all this, I said: ” aha, now everything makes sense! ” And it’s so easy to solve the problem, just stick one breast in each feeding, or even 2 feedings in one breast (called block feeding) to make sure the baby is getting both fore milk and hind milk. Actually I suspect that and was doing that. With the use of gripe water, S’s poop has returned to it’s normal color and fuss less.

As we chat about other mom things, Sofia slept peacefully.

I think this girl really know how to behave in public, sleep and pretend she’s a good girl all the time. 🙂


Returning home, lunch was ready


pork belly with bamboo


black chicken with black fungus and bok choy


and a corn for me

S took 3 naps in the afternoon. She fussed a bit few times, once I gave her the pacifier, she got back to sleep.

While she slept… I prepared the “white noise station”. We have the sleep sheep but it goes off after 45 min and it’s not loud enough. So I download some white noise and put in the itouch.. now we have nonstop shower noise in the nursery! 😉


forgot to show you what we bought at Baby r us: a pacifier with medicine dispense


I don’t want the scary incident to happen EVER AGAIN 👿

And a scale to weigh Sofia at home. 🙂


from her last ped appt, in 5 days she gained 10 oz. (300g), way beyond the average of 5-7 oz. per week. 😆

Dinner was simple: sautéed napa cabbage with dry shrimp, seaweed egg soup, leftover kabocha tofu curry




a corn and lotus powder as late night snack

And then at 6pm, we started the night routine. As I mentioned yesterday I wanted to see if S would sleep if we started the night routine earlier and make sure she’s in before 8pm. And she did. After nursing (7pm) she looked sleepy but awake, I put her down (for the first time I put her down with eyes open). She stayed quiet for a while before started to fuss a bit, I gave her the pacifier, dropped out, put it down, repeat, and she finally fell sleep at 8pm. 😆 I was really happy to see her falling sleep in the crib! And then I waited in the darkness with the loud shower sound. I wanted to see if she’d sleep for long or wake up in 30 min or so. She did fuss a bit around 9pm, which is babies’s normal light sleep period, I gave her the pacifier, and she went back to sleep. About 10pm, she started fuss again, this time I fed her, thinking that I was doing the dream feeding. She ate quite a bit, ~25 min on both breasts. I left the nursery at 10:40pm with her in deep sleep. I was happy with my detective work and the new sleeping routine, hoping that she’s sleep for 4-5 hrs. I went to sleep and didn’t wake up until 5am. I went to the nursery and found my mom holding Sofia. “Sofia didn’t want to sleep last night”, say said. “what? I left her in deep sleep and dream fed her. how come she didn’t sleep?” Apparently, after I left, Sofia started to fuss (just a bit) from 12 to 3am. She wasn’t totally awake but didn’t want to sleep either. And my mom was trying to sooth her all those 3 hrs!!! 😯 She should have called me so I can help her, but she didn’t. She let me sleep!!! She didn’t complain at all. It seemed so natural to her what she was doing. But it wasn’t obvious to me, it means a lot!!!!

Voila, there you are. The most direct way mom is showing her love to me, and now I can finally understand it! Sometimes when S fuss a lot, I’d hold her in my arms or shoulder and let her sleep. Even though my arms get numb, I get sleepy and tired, I don’t mind at all if that’s the way S wants/could sleep. The exact same thing is what my mom is doing to me. It’s not that I have a baby and I find doing this obvious and natural so I don’t appreciate my mom’s love anymore… instead it allows me to understand it better and appreciate even more the beauty of mother’s love to their children.

Although my experiment didn’t succeed as I have expected. It’s okay. I learned something very important. We will try again tonight, maybe I’ll take the first shift and let my mom sleep a long stretch.

Q: I’d love to hear your thoughts about your relationship with your mom and your children if you have any.



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2 responses to “Journal: biggest love

  1. I love all your meals, so well rounded and a great break from all the bowls of pumpkin oatmeal in other foodie blogs! Glad that the LLL meet up was successful, and you got all if your questions answered – that’s the best, isn’t it?

    My relationship with my mom has always been: her being giving, extremely loving and caring, and fun. Of course most if my memories of our relationship are from when I was a mean teenager- but now I appreciate her SO much (even before baby arrived and i went into mami mode myself). Her sacrificial love is beautiful and I pray I can be as outstanding of a mother to my baby as she always has been to her four kids!

  2. Such a precious post. Motherhood really does bring out our strengths and shows us what we’re capable of.

    I’m so glad you’re breastfeeding. The best start you can give your child.

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