Pregnancy: expectations about life with a baby

As I’m approaching to The due date. I start wondering how life will change from now on. It’s an one way ticket ride and from everyone who I talked to: it seems to be an exciting one.

Life won’t be the same! True!

But that’s not a bad thing; it’s just going to be different and better.

Common complains that we hear includes:

·         no more freedom to travel, to  go wherever we want whenever we want,

·         no more romantic dinners and outings with the husband,

·         constant worries

·         sleepless nights

How I plan to deal with these:

·         Plan family and single or trips with friends. I know it will be harder but it’s not impossible. It all comes down to planning and organization.  Fortunately I have few close friends who are having babies within 6 months; we’d have kids of similar ages. So we can either travel together, or we can take care of each other’s kid when the other family wants a single trip.

·         Baby sitters do exist and they’re helpful. Intimate moments are important for any couple so we have to make it a priority.

·         This is a tough one but I think I have a sense of it already. It might sound silly, but I do worry about Star when he’s going out alone. He’s a grown up and responsible, but I still tell him hundreds of times to drive safe, to eat well, to sleep, etc, and I really mean it. I know with kids things will elevate to another level, but it’s manageable and part of being in love with someone. The best strategy is to teach and show them how to be responsible, to be independent and careful. For example, let them organize things in their room; prepare their own meal on weekends when they’re old enough. Basically to let them do things instead of doing everything for them. I was raised this way and I’m very thankful to my parents for that.

·         Sleepless nights only last few months, it’s not forever. I’ve read enough to get an idea of how to “train” or “get a routine” for the baby so she can sleep through the night early on. I hope that works. Furthermore, I’ll have my mom to help me out for almost a year, so when I really need to sleep and when I go back to work, I’ll pump and let her feed Sofia at night. It’s not ideal, but we’d better have backup solution.

Things that I expect to change for better

·         Stronger feeling of having a family. Now it’s just me and Star and I already feel that we’re a family, a single unit in the society. When we make decisions, we always prioritize the welfare of our family rather than each of us separately. When Sofia comes, and maybe another baby later on, we’ll build a bigger family, a bigger circle. They’ll going to be the most important person in my life. I love them unconditionally and they love me back that way as well.

·         Feel a different love. Everyone says that parents-to-kids’ love is the greatest in the world. The moment you see the baby, you’ll love him/her no matter how he/she responds to you. It was unthinkable to me before, but after almost 9 months I got a sense of it and expect to immerse myself into it when Sofia arrives.

·         More responsible. When I got married, I felt more responsible. When I realized my parents are getting old, I feel more responsible. I’m sure when babies come, I’ll feel even more responsible because everything about them will be due to something I did or didn’t. This kind of responsibility sounds scary but it’s true. Even though part of a child’s personality is genetic (voila, I’m still partly responsible), I believe that the family background affects immensely to a child’s development. The most important values in life come from the family and they will accompany a child for many years if not decades.  

Things that I expect to learn:

·         To be patient. Instead of simply telling Sofia to do or not to do something, I need to explain her the whys, and do it over and over again until she really understands it.

·         To slow down. For example babies think differently than adults, they can spend hours looking a piece of white paper with a black line. I need to learn to put their lengths and enjoy what they enjoy with them, even sometimes it sounds stupid or boring.  

·         To be careless. It’s okay to let them make mistakes, they will fall, they will hit themselves, it is okay, it’s part of their growth process. So try not to freak out every time something goes not as planned, and continue to give them freedom to try things.

·         To be tolerant. This is a hard one. I tend to be not tolerant with my close ones. But I will try my best. Try to let them argue with me, to disobey my authority, to even defeat me.

·         Let them to be themselves. I might have expectations for them, but I will have to accept when they truly want something different that would make them ultimately happier than my own expectations.

Q: What expectations did you have when you were pregnant?



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3 responses to “Pregnancy: expectations about life with a baby

  1. You absolutely have the right mindset. Unless your baby has some ailment like colic, you should be able to travel, go out with your husband and do all the things you want to do.

    My husband and I have two kids now and that definitely doesn’t stop us from keeping our marriage strong by spending quality time together. If you don’t have a good marriage because of neglecting eachother, you’re not be a good parent. It’s so important!

    There are so many things you can do to make travel easier. Be minimalistic with packing, do a lot of babywearing and breastfeed! No bottles and formula containers to lug around and clean, no annoying carseat to try and handle, it’s just simpler. Besides, babies love being worn.

  2. andreaswellnessnotes

    Things will be different, but you still can do all the things you wrote about. I also think that you have done a lot of prep and thinking, which will help you. Plus, you’ll have your mom to help you!

    One thing I wish I had done more was live in the moment. I went back to work when the kid was only a few weeks old (I wasn’t gone very much because I was just teaching some classes, but there was still prep work, etc.). I wish I had chosen to do less during his first year. It passes so quickly…

    Another thing I remind myself of is that everything is just temporary. Some stages may be a bit more challenging than others, but they’ll soon pass…

    My favorite part of having kids is that they allow me to see things through the eyes of kids and to be a kid. My parents didn’t do a lot of “kids things” with me, and I did a lot of things for the first time with my kids! 🙂

    I’m thinking of you and wish you all the best! And once she is here, enjoy your little baby! It’s such a magical time!

  3. Coco, these are great ideas and plans you’ve got down! I think number 1 on your plan is veeeeeeeery possible because all the people at our church are just like that! Everyone trusts each other and takes care of each other’s kids, and then they go out on trips together just like family. 🙂 Also, you’re right in that a parent’s love is the most unique because I hear that it’s just a simple glimpse of what God’s love for us is like. An unconditional, sweet, AGAPE love. 😀 Have a great day and stay strong and positive as always!

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