Thought: embracing new path

Life is in a constant change, which makes it more interesting, isn’t it? But when it actually happens, we are always caught by surprise, no matter how mentally prepare we think we are. At the end of last year, Star and I decided to try seriously to have a baby. I didn’t give much thought of it because it was natural for our current stage of life to have a baby. I didn’t think about how life would change, whether we are prepare for him/her. We just wanted a baby. Is it a mistake to make such an important decision without much of thought? Maybe. But most of people who had a baby or babies, they’d tell you that you can never be prepared. And the more you think about it, the less you want to try. Why? Because when the baby has not arrived this world, there’s no way you can imagine how much happiness and joy he/she can bring to you; all you can think about if what he/she could take away from you. Like your independency, sleep, freedom, etc. All these seem extremely important to us right now because we live it everyday and we think we can’t live without having them. But what every parent would tell you that once the baby arrives, all these extremely life threatening neccesities becomes not so relevant anymore. Of course, you’ll still want them, but the joy of having a baby will put them aside, you’d be happily sacrificing them for the new arrival. That’s what everyone parent would say and I believe them. Therefore, no matter how much I’m afraid and worry about what I’m going to have to give up, I feel I’m ready for it. πŸ™‚

On a side note. Another concern I’ve been having lately is what if when he arrives, I don’t feel the instant connection with him? what if I don’t even like him? Isn’t it supposed to happen naturally? What if it doesn’t happen to you? Will I be a bad mother for not liking my baby? I know some feelings cannot be forced, but if it happens to me, I’d feel extremely guilty. Fortunately, it happens to other women too. Yesterday I chat with a good friend who had a baby almost a year ago and she told me:” I’m finally liking him!” 😯 “what? you mean you didn’t like it at first?” I was perplexed but at same time relieved a little bit. “No, I didn’t feel the connection at first. I was kind of pissed because I lost my freedom and independence. But now that I’m getting used to have him in life, and we can communicate somehow, I like him!” Woooo….. It was such a big relieve!!! It could happen! It could happen that we don’t feel the connection at the first! Then I thought, well… it kinds of make sense. As any relationship, it develops with time. Love from first sight is rare and usually not long lasting. It’s only when we spend more time together, cultivate the relationship, we can really love each other. It was really an AHA moment. πŸ™‚

Star is also going through a life changing path. I won’t go into detail, but let’s say, we’ve been through a tough 7-8 months knowing that this is going to happen. It finally happened. Both of us have been thinking a lot, feeling lost at first and not knowing how we should take this big change. After few weeks, we’ve decided. We’ve decided to embrace this change, to take it as new opportunity for better. At the short run, it could seem like a drawback, but if we look at long term, what we’ve decided now could bring big and better changes in our lives. At first I was worried, but then I realized how important this change would for Star and what are his concerns. I’ve realized how important is for him to recharge at this moment, to gain confidence and to learn life lessons as it was the Ph.D for me. I want him to find his passion. He likes his job and he earned a good life with it, but he was not passion about it. To me, it’s only when you work on something that you’re passion about, you can do it successfully and enjoy everyday of work. I’m an example of this way of doing things. I wouldn’t imagine working on something that I am not passion about, it wouldn’t be rewarding and I wouldn’t respect myself. He has been really supportive to me to pursue my passion because he knew it would make me happy. And after 5 years, he confirmed it and keeps telling me how I’ve changed with the PhD. Now it’s my turn to let him pursue his. πŸ™‚

Once we’ve decided and set the new goal, we’re both really excited about it. I’m happy for him because he’s happy about what he will do next. And rationally, it’s the right thing to do right now. We’d all benefit from this short term sacrifice. This morning, as I told my mom about our decision, I told her that: ” What differentiates people to people is the attitude they face obstacles. Some would feel lost and spend a long time worrying about it. Others would worry too, but they wouldn’t spend too much time on it. They would spend few days feeling the pain, few other days thinking about options to way out and on deciding what’s the best option/strategy, and then decide on one. Once they make that decision, they’re firm on that one, they wouldn’t look back, all they will look from then on is the new target and the best way to get there!” I belongs to the second group, which makes my life much easier and happier because I simply won’t spend too much time worrying. πŸ™‚



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4 responses to “Thought: embracing new path

  1. You are going to feel an incredible bond with your little king – I just know it. The relationship will grow over time and it will be the most amazing experience.

    I am happy for Star if he has figured out what will make him happy – and I want to hear about it!

  2. oh wow..lots of thoughts in this post! i really like your approach to the coming changes…having a positive attitude towards it is most of the battle! i would just go with your emotions whether it is to bond instantly or in time. you will know the right approach in time πŸ™‚ i’m eager to hear about star’s new changes too! everything always has a way of working out!

  3. There are tons of things that can happen to keep you from making that instant connection like not being able to nurse your baby immediately after birth, being induced, having a c-section, etc. Pushing a baby out when it’s ready and nursing it immediately causes a release of oxytocin that is called the love hormone for a reason! It makes you fall in love immediately!

  4. andreaswellnessnotes

    Change and uncertainty can be very scary. But I agree with you, there is no use to worry. I think it’s about taking it one day at a time (with some long term planning of course). Sounds like the changes that are in store for Star will be good ones!

    And when it comes to kids, I felt a very strong bond with both of them when they were born. It’s when they are teenagers that they are little less likeable at times… πŸ˜‰ But that’s only a stage as well…. πŸ™‚

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