Thoughts: knowing someone takes time

I usually write about how much I love my friends and people surrounding me. I do, most of the time. But recent months I came to realize that sometime knowing someone takes time. What’s apparent or first impressions can be misleading. I’m not saying that I don’t like him/her anymore, it’s just an objective observation of recent events.

It taught me few lessons:

Don’t be fooled by the appearance. By appearance I don’t mean how he/she looks like, no, not the physical appearance because that’s not what we care about when it comes to friends. But appearances about his/her personality. He/she could seem to be nice and has similar values, thoughts, principles and interests than us, which are the reason he/she and you become closer and eventually establish a friendship. However, those first “appearances” or impressions could not be the true him/her. With the pass of time and events, you come to realize that what you thought about him/her is not actually the case because his/her action contradicts those values and principles, and sometimes they can even be against yours own. I can tell you, this feeling is quite disappointing. Dissapointing because nowadays it’s hard to have someone that you can feel related to, that you want to start a friendship. It’s so precious and unique that when you realize that he/she is not what you thought he/she was, it’s like someone takes away a precious toy from a kid.

– Distance is the beauty. Don’t get closer to someone too close too soon. This applies to any relationship. When you look at something/someone too close, you find the not so pretty part of him/her/it. It’s better to observe something from a distance, the blurness makes the object less imperfect. I don’t mean that we look for perfect friends/people because they don’t exist and we’re not perfect either. But everyone has values and limits on certain things that if someone shows that he/she has values against ours, then for me it’s hard to continue to consider him/her as my friend. Again, very sad about it.

– Value your old friends. The advantage of those old friends, friends that you know for years or even decades, is that you know that you and them share certain values and you’ve evolved in the same direction. The feeling is being safe. Even thought sometimes they do something that you don’t like, you forgive them because you love them and you know that they love you back. Love between friends is similar as love between parents, love without asking anything back. When I think about my oldest friend, a feeling of warmness comes to be and I smile unconsciously. I have only few, but I love them so much!!!

As you can see, I think about friendship seriously, I don’t take friendship for granted. You might say I’m too picky or too serious. It’s true, I’m aware of it and sometimes wish I could be different. But this is how I am and I am learning to make friendship to bring happiness to me instead of worries. And one of the things that I learned is that, when it’s time to let someone to go, let him/her go.


Filed under thought

8 responses to “Thoughts: knowing someone takes time

  1. Sorry you’ve been disappointed.

    I think you make some very good points about friendships. As you said, I think most of all it takes time for a friendship to grow. And when people get too close too quickly, it can lead to a lot of disappointment later on.

    Wishing you much joy and happiness in 2012!

  2. Very wise words little girl 🙂 It sounds like you’ve learned a lot recently – perhaps the hard way but at least you know. xo Erin

  3. This is a post I would have liked to read in high school and in college. There are some tough lessons we have to learn in life, and this is one of them. Sorry that you’ve had to let go of a friend Coco, but like you said, I’m sure it was for the best, in the long run.

  4. Letting go of a friendship can be tough, for sure. I know I’ve been in situations where I start getting close to people then you find out they’re not what you thought. Always such a let down….

  5. Loved reading your thoughts on relationships, Coco. You’re so right, sometimes we get so excited to meet someone that we tend to rush the relationship at bit at first…thanks for sharing your insights with us. Hugs!

    Happy New Year, gorgeous!

  6. Annie

    wise words coco

  7. Oh, I hope all is alright Coco! But you seem to be such a strong young woman, and I like your honesty. It’s so true that in a way we HAVE to be “picky” with relationships!! Not because we’re better than others, but because we should always be aware and wise with whom we associate. 🙂 Have a blessed 2012, and I hope this one will be full of surprises!

  8. this is a very moving post – thanks for sharing your thoughts. i hope everything is going okay!

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