Thoughts: my relationship with Mom


My mom is the wisest women I know. She doesn’t have any degree, she didn’t have any professional success, but she’s the role model of a woman for me. Being with her is natural and comfortable, like a spring breeze, mild but refreshing. She is beautiful but not threatening. She’s talkative but she listens even more. She is the friend who you want to talk to, to tell about your most intimate fears and concerns. Not surprisingly, she has an active social life in shanghai. She has many good friends who she meet almost every week. Her friends depend on her to organize gathering and trips. In my family, she’s the intermediary. Both my dad and I have strong personalities, we fight often. If it was not because of my mom, I’d have left home many times.

2002

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However, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with her lately. She came to visit me and we’ll be together for the rest of the summer. I wasn’t sure what it was, but something was bothering me. Having her around 24/7 breaks some routines. I haven’t sleeping well since her arrival. I often feel that I wasn’t allowed to do what I would do if I was alone or with Star. Even in term of food, things changed. For lunch we’d eat traditional chinese food and for dinner we’d have rice porridge with leftover from lunch and pickles. Many nights I need to snack before I go to bed because I get hungry again. These little things bothered me. I know I love her and I am happy to have her here, but I wasn’t enjoying her company. Sometimes I even felt that  she was the burden that doesn’t allow me to do my life. (there! How cruel I was!!!)

Last Sunday Star took my mom and I to go for a long walk (> 2 hrs). He wanted to show my mom the white house, the capitol, the monuments, etc. Although I’ve taken my mom there before, I’ve never showed her the way Star showed her. In each place, we stopped, we read whatever is print there and Star translated them to her.

I was in shame. 😦

Yesterday during shower time at the gym, I realized something: what was bothering me is not that I couldn’t do everything I’d do when I’m alone, what bothered me was that I was not doing my best to make her happy!!! 

How many years can I live with her in the future?

How many opportunities do I have to show my love to her, which is just a small fraction of the love she has for me?

Why I don’t realized that all she wants is to be with me doing simple things such as talking, cooking, walking, etc. She doesn’t need any luxury gifts, she just needs time spent with her daughter. 

I was a bad daughter. I was selfish. All I could think of is me-me! Fortunately I realized that behaving that way wasn’t making me happy. So I’m determined to change. From now on, while I am with her, I’ll put my mom’s happiness in the first place, I’ll plan and organize things to make her happy. I know that when I see her happy, I’ll be happy too. 🙂

After shower, I came home, it was 7 PM and mom was preparing dinner. I suggested to go out for a walk. We walked for an hour around the neighbor, we talked and we enjoyed the sunset. It was a lovely evening and a good start! 🙂

13 Comments

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13 responses to “Thoughts: my relationship with Mom

  1. This is a great post and great reminder to not take our loved ones for granted. Thank you for sharing this!

  2. aww you’re so sweet coco!

  3. Now you will have a wonderful time with your mom in Orlando 🙂 Maker her happy ~~ I totally agree, because Mom and Dad are the most patient people with us !

  4. wow thanks for sharing this Coco! it was really touching and thought-provoking!! that’s so true~our parents just want quality time~and many times, seeing US happy brings them joy 🙂 We need to remember that they’re humans just like anyone else! Not just dads and moms.

  5. I still read your blog but just never have time to comment, but today I really felt like I should. I appreciate the honesty in this post. It really makes me think about my own relationship with my parents. They’re coming to visit me in Italy in a few weeks. Thanks for reminding me that I need to make every moment count, especially since they’re not nearby all the time.
    Enjoy your time with your mom!

  6. I love my mom and treasure her…and yet parent/child dynamics are really a dance–sometimes you’re closer, sometimes you’re not, sometimes you talk a lot, sometimes you don’t, and so on. Be sure to be gentle with yourself–I bet you’re being a great daughter!!

  7. Coco,

    This is a beautiful post!!! Really well written, and with a great message.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Have a great time. And you are both gorgeous!!

    ~~Jess

  8. What a lovely post!

    Thank-you for the reminder to treasure my mom (and dad)!

  9. See, it’s all about your attitude. Attitude is what dictates how happy, sad, stressed, etc you will be.
    Now that your attitude has switched, and you’re focusing more on how you can make both you AND your mom happy, things will be better. Trust me, I’ve been like that with my mom too. So many times she’ll just come over for dinner and I get annoyed with the things she says, but then I remind myself that she is my mom, I love her, and all I care about is making her happy 🙂 I wrote her a poem for MOther’s Day. It’s the perfect way to express yourself in writing.

  10. What a great post, Coco! It’s hard to have our “routines” interrupted, but I think you came to the perfect realization! Enjoy the rest of your visit with your Mom!

  11. Great post! Yes, our parents can annoy us so easily (and as a parent I realize more and more how much I sometimes annoy my kids…), but it is truly about how we look at it. Not every moment has to “perfect,” but our attitude goes a long way. Enjoy your time with your mom!

  12. I’m back from vacation and I’ve really missed you, Coco! This is a really beautiful post, and it makes me think about my relationship with my mom also…thanks for sharing, sweetie!

  13. DiningAndDishing

    this is a great post coco! it can certainly be hard to make the transition from mother/child to mother/adult child. it looks like you are figuring out a good way to adjust! moms are the best :).

    – Beth @ http://www.DiningAndDishing.com

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