I don’t usually argue with people. If it’s someone that I barely know, I’d avoid arguing with him/her completely. If I know him/her a little more, I’d lay our my thoughts and logic, if she/he refuses to accept, I won’t argue. But when it comes to my close friends and family, I do argue. Maybe because I feel more confident expressing my thoughts in a more exhaustive way or maybe because I try to convince the other person. Many times I feel that I’m over protecting, to the extend that I try to impose my ideas to the other person, specially when I think it’s for his/her benefits. I know that I shouldn’t do it, rationally I am aware of that, but emotionally I can’t control myself.
How would you convince the other person that something is good for him/her when he/she disagree with you?
After trying many things I went back to the old method, explain the things in a rational way. When it comes to someone close to me, who I can’t act completely rational because emotions are involved, I find that not confronting the person is the way that works for me. Instead I’d writing him/her an email about how I analyze the situation, why I think he/she should do certain things, why is it important to do it now, which are the immediate and long term consequences of doing it versus not doing it. In this way, I am rational when I write things down, I avoid getting immediate rejecting response that hurts my feelings and most importantly, it avoids harmful confrontations that are really not necessary.
Sometimes arguing is a way of communication, but when the arguing becomes harmful confrontation that hurts the other persons feelings, it’s better to be avoided or turning it into arational and peaceful conversation (talking or writing). When the emotions overpowers the rationale, then it’s better to take a break to cool down, to come into reason again.
I’m still in kinder garden when it comes to deal with emotions and relationships. I might seem to be very rational and distant, but deep inside I’m extremely emotional so I’m constantly in a battle of balancing emotions and reasons. I was the only one who cried in our undergrad dinner party. I remember that night everyone was surprised to see me crying because no one ever thought that I could be that emotional.
Are you an emotional person? Do you show your emotions often?