Thoughts: what do you do when you argue with someone?

I don’t usually argue with people. If it’s someone that I barely know, I’d avoid arguing with him/her completely. If I know him/her a little more, I’d lay our my thoughts and logic, if she/he refuses to accept, I won’t argue. But when it comes to my close friends and family, I do argue. Maybe because I feel more confident expressing my thoughts in a more exhaustive way or maybe because I try to convince the other person. Many times I feel that I’m over protecting, to the extend that I try to impose my ideas to the other person, specially when I think it’s for his/her benefits. I know that I shouldn’t do it, rationally I am aware of that, but emotionally I can’t control myself.

How would you convince the other person that something is good for him/her when he/she disagree with you?

After trying many things I went back to the old method, explain the things in a rational way. When it comes to someone close to me, who I can’t act completely rational because emotions are involved, I find that not confronting the person is the way that works for me. Instead I’d writing him/her an email about how I analyze the situation, why I think he/she should do certain things, why is it important to do it now, which are the immediate and long term consequences of doing it versus not doing it. In this way, I am rational when I write things down, I avoid getting immediate rejecting response that hurts my feelings and most importantly, it avoids harmful confrontations that are really not necessary.

Sometimes arguing is a way of communication, but when the arguing becomes harmful confrontation that hurts the other persons feelings, it’s better to be avoided or turning it into arational and peaceful conversation (talking or writing). When the emotions overpowers the rationale, then it’s better to take a break to cool down, to come into reason again.

I’m still in kinder garden when it comes to deal with emotions and relationships. I might seem to be very rational and distant, but deep inside I’m extremely emotional so I’m constantly in a battle of balancing emotions and reasons. I was the only one who cried in our undergrad dinner party. I remember that night everyone was surprised to see me crying because no one ever thought that I could be that emotional.

Are you an emotional person? Do you show your emotions often?



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5 responses to “Thoughts: what do you do when you argue with someone?

  1. I so, so, so, don’t like conflict! My feelings get hurt before the first harsh word is said and I feel so sick to my stomach. I do recognize that constructive fighting has value but I feel like I never learned how to wrestle with conflict. Ugh.

  2. I am not a arguer…..I lose all my words when I am involved in a conflict ! maybe that is not a good thing though. But now, I tried to avoid this kind of situation!

  3. I am a very pensive type of person, so when it comes to disagreements, I’ll say things like “I understand why you say/think this…but, I hope you can trust me enough to tell you this without being hurt” etc. I don’t like confrontation b/c it’s not my nature, but def. now I MAKE myself when times are needed. And then, I just pray for them! ahha! it works most of the time. 😛 not always. still waiting for a few things. And at the same time, I always admit my flaws and that I’m not perfect, and that seems to comfort the other party. like they say, “you can bring the water to the horse, but you can’t make it drink it”? or something like that? have a great day Coco!

  4. I am VERY emotional but I hardly ever argue with anyone. I just keep the emotions bottled up until I have some time to myself!

  5. I do not like conflict at all. I’ll do anything to avoid it! I also find the best way to deal is to walk away and then write out my feelings in a letter/email. I’m not hugely emotional, but I’m not worried about crying in front of people in certain situations.

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