“Single” Valentine’s Day

I spent the Valentine’s Day alone just like the last four years, but this is the first time that I “celebrated” it. How? Treating me with this beautiful chocolate cake. 🙂


When I was making the cake, I thought about Star and these 9 years and half that we’ve been together.  I realized that even though he’s not perfect and has things that I still don’t like (although I can accept them now), I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I know that some of my friends might think that I’m with him because I feel safe and comfortable, that he can give me things that other men can’t, that marriage shouldn’t be so rational. blah blah! Well…. I am comfortable with him, but what’s even more important is that I am comfortable with myself when I am with him. He allows me to be just me. I don’t have to change myself to please anyone, I don’t need to pretend or hide my imperfections in front of him, I don’t feel the urge to change him. Believe me! It’s not easy to find these! For me, marriage is not just about passion and feelings, it is a rational decision too.  I know this sounds bad. But passion or feelings fade away with time and they are not obstacles-prove. Only when I rationally think that we’re meant to be together (i.e., matching personalities, values and goals) I can be certain that he’s The one. Just like Gina said, the more time we  spend with him, the more we love him. Maybe it’s not the same kind of love that we felt at the beginning of the relationship; maybe the initial passion and craziness is no longer there. But the love we built together is beyond that…. it’s much stronger and soul-healing. Soul-healing? yes! Because we don’t feel alone in this world anymore.


Single serving Chocolate cake, adapted from Grain-free bitter chocolate cake for one

  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 2 tbsp pumpkin puree
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tbsp coconut oil
  • 1 tbsp honey

Preheat oven to 375 F. Mix all of the above ingredients together. Add a splash of water until it reaches the consistency of a thick pudding. Bake for 20 min.

Other eats: stir-fry of red pepper, zucchini, oyster mushroom, egg and yam noodles.


I crave spicy food lately, so I sauteed it with soy sauce and a lot of spicy sichuan sauce.


served with homemade multi-grain bread

Poached salmon (soy sauce, cooking wine, brown sugar, ginger powder, S+P)


served with sweet hot mustard


sauteed chinese greens with mushrooms



This is my latest favorite snack combo: steamed corn + kabocha


I’ve been eating them in the afternoons, mid-mornings, before bed, heheh…. anytime 😉

Q1: What marriage means to you?

Q2: What’s your latest favorite snack?


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13 responses to ““Single” Valentine’s Day

  1. Well I’m so happy to hear that even though Star wasn’t home with you, you still managed to have a nice Valentine’s Day. You can’t have a Valentine’s Day without some type of chocolate! And that chocolate heart cake sounds perfect.

    While I agree with you on many of the points you made in this post, I have to say that I do need passion in a relationship. I think passion is what keeps relationships, and love alive. I have read that while passion may fade throughout the years, you have to do things to build it back up. For me my relationship with Nick works well because like you said, he allows me to be myself. Also, we laugh a lot, and we work hard to keep the passion alive. I guess I just need it!! And really, so do men.

  2. Marriage about a combination of passion, compromise, and of course, lots and lots of love!

  3. I know how you feel coco! you and star are sooo cute together!!

  4. My marriage to me feels like home. 🙂

    I know that sounds cheesy but there is no better way for me to describe it. I feel safe in it. I know that it’s where I’m accepted and cherished.

    And I agree that passion will not always last so you need to have a stronger foundation than that. Above all, I think it has to be about commitment. Through thick and thin! 🙂

    BTW my local grocery store just started carrying kabocha – how do I know if it’s ripe? How do you suggest I prepare it?

    • balancejoyanddelicias

      The harder,the heavier is the kabocha, the more ripped it is. My favorite way to prepare it is steaming. U can do it with a steam basket or just add some water and microwave it at high for 5 min (1 lb). And before eating it, put it in the freezer for few minute. 🙂

      Sent from my iPad

  5. Wowww Coco those foods look amazing! And I totally agree with your take on love! It’s ultimately doing what is best for the other person. And that in turn, blesses us as we can be ourselves in front of them. It’s so good to see women out there like you with such great commitment/honesty despite the flaws.

  6. I agree with your opinions of marriage. I’ve been married almost 13yrs (together for 16) and it is not always easy, and the passion sure isn’t the same, but there’s ALOT to be said about feeling “free” around your spouse. I can sing terribly, walk around in PJ’s all day with no make up/shower, fart even 🙂 and it’s OK. I would never feel comfortable like that around a new person!

    That being said, what a cake!!!

  7. Weighting For 50

    LOVE the heart cake!!!! So pretty, like the rest of your meal. Marriage? Lots of work, lots of compromise, lots of love and worth every minute. (Well, worth it with the right person – I’d rather be single forever than be with the “wrong” man and be unhappy!)

  8. what a gorgeous (and delicious, i’m sure) cake! i think you have some very wise thoughts, too, coco. love is more than just a feeling, for sure.

    marriage to me means finding someone to navigate life with…in a relationship where we both help eachother to grow. i think it’s also the ultimate friendship…if you can’t be friends with your future spouse, there’s a problem!

  9. Love the sound of your single lady chocolate cake!

  10. Your chocolate heart is so cute! And it sounds yummy!

    I think I said this before on your blog, I believe you should marry someone you really like. Not just love. You can love someone but dislike too many things about him/her… (And yes, there will be always something you dislike about your spouse; that’s normal…) I think it’s important to be able to be yourself, to feel comfortable in silence, yet to be able to have great conversations. You should marry the person who truly wants you to be happy and for whom you’ll do anything to make him/her happy.

  11. I’m so glad you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Your chocolate cake looks delicious…love that cute heart shape!

  12. spoonfulofsugarfree

    Happy (belated) Valentines Day!!!! It looks like you had a wonderful day and dinner!! I’m so glad you liked my chocolate cake recipe 🙂 It looks fabulous!

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